


Pina Coladas and Getting Caught In The Rain

by HPFanficClub



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi, Online Dating, Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29987463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFanficClub/pseuds/HPFanficClub
Summary: HPFanficClub's Group Write for January/February 2020Prompt;Lucius Malfoy frowned at the blinking screen. "A computer" Arthur had called it, but he hadn't given a single shred of instruction on its use.A group fic written in collaboration by the Harry Potter Fanfic Club's members.
Kudos: 1





	Pina Coladas and Getting Caught In The Rain

He glanced at the messy scrawl on the note that blasted Weasley had left him. Move the mouse to "Internet Explorer," and double-click.

Lucius frowned at the words. "Mouse?" He glanced around to look for a rodent-- "See, this is why Muggles are so--" and then he spotted the weird shaped object attached to some sort of cable. That could resemble a mouse, I guess.

It took some maneuvering to figure out that moving the mouse would actually move the cursor on the screen, but Lucius was no simpleton. In only an hour, he'd managed to find Internet Explorer and successfully open it. 

He scanned Arthur's note once more. Near the top of the screen, there will be a long bar. Click on it, and then type out: www.okcupid.com

Lucius frowned. He knew who Cupid was, sure, but the rest of that reeked of utter nonsense. Still, he couldn't help but admit that he was limited on options. Narcissa had left him years ago, and Weasley swore this would help the former Death Eater "get back out there!" So, with a sigh, he followed the note's instructions and by some miracle managed to open up what he'd been told was a "website."

The top right of the screen will have the words "Create Account." Click on them.

Lucius felt his heart pound as he second-guessed this decision for maybe the thirtieth time that day. But he'd be damned if he was going to admit he was scared to Arthur Weasley.

With a heavy sigh, Lucius clicked.

While he was waiting for the website to come up, he thought back to the day Narcissa finally left him. Standing beside the floo in the sitting room in her blue dress robes that brought out her eyes perfectly. He knew it would be difficult to find someone that could match Narcissa’s grace and beauty. He could remember the smell of roses in her hair as he hugged her and the tear that slipped down her face as she told him goodbye for the last time. That was five years ago, but it felt like a lifetime.

His chest felt empty and cold again. I mean, he couldn’t blame her. He had made many poor decisions in his life in his attempts to protect himself and his family. The Malfoy name didn’t stand for much now.

Suddenly a bright sparkling website popped up on the screen.

“Bloody hell,” Lucius mumbled as he squinted his eyes. Confusion settled in as the website asked for all kinds of information that, quite frankly, they had no business knowing about him.

“What in Salazar's name is an ADDRESS?” Lucius exclaimed. He sighed. He was going to have to ask Arthur about this.

Lucius gasped and his eyebrows shot up as he read question number 10…..

Question 10: Is astrological sign at all important in a match?  
Astrological sign? Do muggles believe in Astrology? Reading his horoscope in the Daily Prophet has always been one of his guilty pleasures. He knew his astrological sign was Taurus and Narcissa’s is Libra. Venus rules both signs but they represent completely different characteristics. Which is probably why their marriage ended. But his love for Astronomy was something he should keep a secret, so Lucius took the mouse and clicked on the no button. 

Question 11: If your partner wanted to name your firstborn child after some person significant to them, but you thought the name was the most horrid thing in the world, would you let them?  
Did they add this question because of the awful names Harry Potter had given his children? Of course, he would not let them name his children something awful. But he is way too old to have children anyway, and women probably want to name their children after some person significant, so he clicked yes. 

Question 12: Do you feel obligated to help your fellow human beings?  
That depends… He skipped the question.

Question 13: Do you think advanced primates, like chimps and apes, should be afforded some degree of human rights?  
Apes? Those big muggle animals? So we now not only have to care about muggles but their animals too? No, I’m not ready for that, he thought while clicking no.

Question 14: Is the educational system designed to benefit the rich?  
Yes, because we are the ones paying for it. 

Last question: Do you believe in dinosaurs?  
Dinosaurs? What are dinosaurs? Are those like the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks the Quibbler keeps talking about? If he hadn’t heard of them, he should not believe in them. 

He clicked the no button and finished the questionnaire. Then he almost fell off his chair, because there came a loud sound from the computer and the screen showed that he had a “New Match”.

Looking at the computer screen in front of her, Narcissa bit her lip and then pressed submit. Andromeda had insisted she needed to get herself a dating profile on this site, to - as her sister put it - get back in the game. 

It had been years since she had left Malfoy Manor and said goodbye to Lucius. While it had been difficult at first, she had also started to enjoy the freedom that came with her single status. Not that she had dated much, but it was nice to be free of the expectations of a pureblood society wife. Their divorce had been quite the scandal, which gave her the time to find her new place in society. 

But now it was time to find someone to spend some quality time with. She was not expecting to find the same as she had had with Lucius, but well, some fun would be nice too, right?  
Let's see what this site could come up with for her...

Lucius moved the mouse until it hovered over the blinking “New Match” sign. He clicked it and began to read through. 

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain

Well, he certainly had no idea what a pin-a co-la-da was, but Weasley had told him to be open to new experiences. As for getting caught in the rain, he had never had a problem with simple weather ever since he’d become a fully qualified wizard. 

If you're not into yoga

Not into yoga either, whatever that was, and whatever he’d told Weasley about trying new things only stretched so far. 

If you have half a brain

Perhaps she was a Potion Master? He did have a few Muggle brains in storage in the secret room under the drawing-room. It did seem like quite a bold request, however, to ask for something illicit in a dating advert.

If you like makin' love at midnight  
In the dunes on the cape

A tingle went up his spine at those words. It’d been too long since he and Narcissa had done something spontaneous like that--years before Draco was born. He did miss that Narcissa, the one who’d willingly Apparate around the world to spice up their romantic relationship.

Then I'm the love that you've looked for  
Write to me and escape.

Hmm. After a brief moment of hesitation, he clicked the button that said: “Reply.”

He wanted to make a good impression, back in the day when he was courting Narcissa, he used to send the most extravagant gifts to the Black residence along with romantic notes that used to delight his ex-wife, he recalled one time when he sent a unicorn to her with a note that said “I was born the day I met you.” 

Oh, he knew how to woo a woman. However, right now he was struggling with words. 

“How is everything going?” A loud squeaky voice made him jump and the speaker approached him with a wide smile. 

“Weasley, what do you need?” he asked, trying to compose himself.

The other wizard didn't pay attention to his question, he seemed more interested in the screen behind Lucius. 

“You got yourself a match!” he exclaimed and Lucius was sure the announcement was heard on the whole building and it took every bit of his self-control not to hex the man. “I can see she or he likes music” he added. 

“How do you know that?” he asked puzzled.  
Instead of an answer Arthur started humming and singing some of the words on a tune that felt “tropical”.

“You see? Is a song, you should listen to it” he said and suddenly he looked worried “But I don't know how is it call, I'll owl Hermione later” 

“Don't” he rushed, it was bizarre enough that he was in a basement with Arthur Weasley and a computer, he didn't need his daughter in law mixed into this too. Draco would have such a good laugh if he knew his father was trying to date a muggle. After all, Lucius gave him such a hard time when he first started dating Miss Granger. But then another thought came to his mind “Did you say or he?”

Arthur was about to open his mouth when the computer buzzed once more.

Meanwhile, Narcissa was beside herself with anxiety. She had never before put herself out there in such a brazen manner, and she was not quite ready to do so at this moment, but she thought it was finally time to embrace the Muggle slang that her daughter in law had taught her - YOLO. 

Suddenly, her screen started blinking and the words "New Match" flashed before her eyes. The profile had no picture to display, and the person had not given his actual name it seems. So the man on the other end was currently going by "serpentlord9090". Interestingly, the person had responded to some questions on his profile and Narcissa was curious to find out why the site had matched them. As Narcissa glanced through the answers, she snickered at a particularly snobbish but frankly funny answer to the question "Is the educational system designed to benefit the rich?".

She contemplated 'sliding into his DMs' or is that how Hermione had joked about starting a conversation on these sites? Hmmph, she couldn't remember but it seemed that she was going to do it anyway. The matter of the absent picture was an issue but she too had been apprehensive of putting a picture up on the internet for strangers, so she honestly did not want to judge him for something she herself was guilty of. Without overthinking it any further, she typed up "Hello, it is nice to make your acquaintance" and sent it. Now she just had to sit there and wait.

The wait for a response was hellish. Should she have reached out first? Should she have waited to see if "serpentlord9090" would have messaged her first? Was it even worth it to send a message? Narcissa's face grew hot with embarrassment.

A loud ping caught her attention just as she had begun to move from her seat. A notification reading "New Direct Message from serpentlord9090" blinked steadily in the corner of her computer screen. Narcissa took a deep breath, hoping to ground herself as she clicked on the notification. Her eyes scanned back and forth as she read the message, puzzled by it's contents. "A pleasure, certainly, but I do believe your acquaintance is one I've already made." 

She racked her brain, trying to think of anyone she could possibly know existing in the muggle world. After all, she only knew wizards and fewer that were muggle-born. Perhaps they had read about her in the news. No one she knew personally could possibly be on a muggle dating site, though. At least not anyone she would expect.

Ginny looked at Hermione, daring her to tell Draco about the whereabouts of his mother. When Hermione kept silent and sip her wine once more, her friend whispered "coward."

"Draco your mom asked Hermione for her help a few days ago." 

"Did she?" he looked at Hermione, "What did my mother need help with?"

"She wants to get back in the game."

"What game?"

"It's not an actual game," started Hermione, "She wants to go out on dates," she rushed and Draco almost chokes. 

"Dating? Who? Why?" he manages between coughs. 

"Oh Darling, there's no need to overreact, your mother only needs a little fun," said Andromeda. 

"And also she needs..." Ginny said with mischief in her eyes.

"A computer," Hermione cut in quickly. 

"She is trying a muggle website I recommended," explained Andromeda. 

"My mother and muggles?" 

"The pool in the wizarding world is limited, besides she needs ..."

"A shag," cut in Ginny with a triumphant smile. 

Draco looked like he was about to be sick, he got up from his seat, looked at them, and said, 

"Enjoy your evening ladies," he excused himself and left. 

Ginny was about to burst out in laughter, "That was so fun, and telling him while he was drinking wine, nice touch," she winked at Hermione. "So, where is Narcissa now?"

"At my house, I left her with a computer, a bottle of wine, and a cellphone," answered Andromeda, "I asked her to text me when she gets a match"

"This muggle website sounds interesting, my father was acting all weird the other day and asked Harry about all these sites for dating and appropriate gifts for muggle woman" 

"Is he planning on dating someone?" asked Hermione with a smirk. 

"Merlin no, you know there are only two people in the world who can lie to Molly Weasley, one of them was Fred and the other," she paused swirling her wine, "Well, I taught him everything he knew."

The phone buzzed and Andromeda smiled "She's got one and she knows him!" she exclaimed.

As Narcissa pondered what to send back to her “match”, she decided to send a message to Andromeda to keep her, in her words, up-to-date. She took the phone and pushed several buttons trying to get the screen to light up. She still didn’t fully understand how those blasted things worked. Luckily, Andromeda had made sure there weren’t too many things on the phone and she remembered how to send a message.

I have found a match. Apparently he’s already made my acquaintance. Ever heard of the name Serpentlord9090?

Narcissa turned back to the computer screen, the message from the stranger still staring her in the face. Nothing about this man seemed familiar to her. At most he was upper-class like her, but Hermione had told her about the muggles also having an upper-class, them being about as close-knit as the old Pureblood society had been. Perhaps she should channel some of that energy. A little hard to get used to work on all the Slytherin boys back when she was in Hogwarts, it probably still worked.

“If we have met, I’m afraid you haven’t made a lasting impression.”

Clicking send, she hoped he would rise to the bait, but in her experience most men do.

Meanwhile, every time the computer buzzed, Lucius jumped, thoroughly startled. Arthur, however, seemed thoroughly amused. "A bit out of your element, Malfoy?"

"Fuck off, Weasley." He refused to admit the other man was right. The dating thing was already pretty foreign to him, but on a Muggle computer? That was asking quite a bit from someone who quite frankly didn't care much more for Muggles than for Mayo. And Circe knows that Lucius Malfoy can do without mayo. 

"Are you doing to open the message?" Arthur goaded. 

"Yes, yes," Lucius waved him off. He moved the mouse-- I'm getting a hang of this! The mouse has gotten easy to-- "Fuck," he cursed. "Where'd it go?"

"Where'd what go?" Arthur frowned.

"The pointy thing!"

"The cursor?"

Lucius huffed impatiently. "Yes, the bloody cursor!"

"I don't know," Arthur frowned, leaning forward to squint at the screen. "Just start clicking! Maybe something will happen." 

And so, Lucius did just that, frantically moving the mouse and clicking, until suddenly a new page popped up. "What in the name of Merlin's right arse cheek is that?" he cried. 

"Oh no," Arthur fussed. "Er-- shoot, I'm certain that Hermione warned me about these pop-up ads, but I can't remember what she said to do about them."

"I need to see that message, Weasley!" Lucius roared. His patience had been tested enough. An ad of whatever the hell this was wasn't going to deter him.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder... what was that thing?

Lucius clicked the new website away, but the pop-up was still showing over his new message.

Then a text showed up under the pop-up. “With this new toy, you don’t need a man anymore. Usable on both your front and backdoor.”

Lucius and Arthur looked in confusion at the text and the picture of a purple object.  
“Need no man anymore? Front and backdoor? What would I need a man for that has to do with my doors?” Lucius asked Arthur, lines forming between the eyebrows

“I don’t know,” Arthur replied, tapping a fist against the lips lightly while thinking. “Maybe I could take a picture of it with my new camera and show Harry. He always knows about muggle objects.” 

Lucius ignored the weird small box that was supposed to be a camera, Arthur took out of his bag. It might be nice to know what this object was, so if any of the ladies on this website asked if he had one, he at least knew if he needed to lie and tell them he did. 

Luckily the pop-up moved away on its own and Lucius could finally read his new message.

Or, so he thought. But just as soon as his message was revealed, it was suddenly blocked again by a cascade of dozens upon dozens of the vile, confusing pop up ads. 

He tried frantically to click out of them to read his message but the more he clicked the more ads popped up, until he felt a scream rising in his throat. 

They. Just. Kept. Fucking. Coming.

Narcissa just stared at the screen, waiting for a reaction from the stranger. She could see the little green dot that indicated that he was still online. Seconds turned into minutes and still no response. 

Narcissa started to second guess her decision to respond like that. Did she miscalculate? Is hard-to-get no longer a strategy that works with men? Or is it something that only works on wizards? Or were they only ever interested in her because she was a Black who was clearly not insane or cavorting with muggleborns. 

All of a sudden Narcissa was doubting her entire love-life. If you could call it a love-life, considering there were usually not a lot of love matches in pureblood circles, only advantageous marriages for both parties. A sudden wave of anger came over Narcissa. Anger at Serpentlord for not responding, anger at Andromeda for pushing her to do this ridiculous dating thing, anger at the wizarding society for not properly preparing her for courting for love. 

But above all she was angry with herself. Angry that she couldn’t hold herself to the same high standard in this aspect as she could in every other aspect of her life. She closed the computer and let out a breath. She would do this a different way, and she would simply forget about this mistake.

Lucius, getting annoyed with all the pop-ups, and wanting to see the reply looked at Arthur, who seemed just as confused. It was becoming a war with this thing and as he grabbed his wand to attempt a spell, Arthur was already turning to the fireplace to try to Floo in some help.

"Harry, thank goodness!" Arthur seemed delighted to have gotten the disheveled young man instead of someone else.

Lucius could be heard growling at the machine that seemed to be consistently gathering pop-ups.

"Could you come through? Malfoy is having some issues on that commuter-thingy that allows communication."

"Wait, which Malfoy?"Harry seemed alarmed.

Harry suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Was this a trap? He'd been emailing Draco for awhile now; too scared to tell him how he really felt, he had been sending him hundreds of spam messages and chain emails, and sometimes random trolling threats, just to feel close and connected to his dark prince.

But what if Draco had caught on that it was him? Or worse - what if Lucius had figured it out and was now going to try and fail to kill him, like Voldemort had done so many times? Either way, he was screwed. 

Suddenly he heard the voice of Lucius Malfoy screaming, "DAMN THESE POP UPS!" And realized he was even more screwed than he thought. 

The virus he sent to Draco had obviously worked. 

He was fucked.

Harry could feel that he was hesitating too long. The situation was obviously going to be awkward, with his best friend's father in a room with his other best friend's father-in-law, who was also the father of his true love (said best friend's husband), and who had also tried to cause his death repeatedly. And he'd have to pretend he didn't know anything about the pop-up ads...

But Arthur was gesturing frantically for him to hurry up and come through the Floo, and Harry truly didn't have the best impulse control. Surely Arthur wouldn't let anything too bad happen to him?

So he grabbed his wand, slipped his laptop into a neoprene case and shrunk it into his pocket, and stepped through the Floo. Arriving, without even a moment to brush soot off his shoes, Harry ducked reflexively to barely avoid a red jet of light that singed the wall behind him.

Harry cautiously glanced up. Arthur looked at him a bit sheepishly as he held onto Lucius' wand arm. 

"Lucius, you cannot Avada a computer. What were you thinking?"

Lucius yanked his arm away in a huff and looked expectantly at Harry.

"Well? Are you going to stay crouched there all day or are you going to come fix this blasted contraption?"

Andromeda smirked at her phone, clearly enjoying what was on her screen. 

“How is my mother-in-law doing?” Hermione asked, her eyebrows raised.

“Oh, I think she’s doing as well as she could be right now. It sounds like the guy ghosted her so I’m trying to stop her from…. Ya know…. Completely destroying my house.”

Ginny looked around, “If she wants, she can come destroy this house.... I need to remodel anyways.” 

The three of them laughed at the joke. Ever since Narcissa and Lucius split, Narcissa has thrown herself into design and remodelling. Every time that they visited her, the place had a different decoration, as if she couldn’t decide what she wanted. 

Andromeda smiled lightly, “This will be good for her.”

Just before someone else could respond though, there was a huge crash in the kitchen followed by a bunch of cursing. 

“AVADA K-” There was another crash.

When Harry arrived at Malfoy Manor, he heard the two men screaming at what probably was the computer. He followed the sound and saw Lucius and Arthur clicking on every button on the keyboard and waving the mouse around in the air. 

He stood next to Lucius and took over the mouse. 

“It looks like you have a virus,” he said.

“A virus? But I am perfectly healthy. What do you mean?” Lucius replied.

“Not you, the computer,” Harry said while opening a new tab to download a virus scanner.

“Computers can get sick?” Arthur said with curiosity. “Interesting.”

It took Harry a few minutes before he deleted the virus off the computer. 

“What were you trying to do anyway?” asked Harry to find out if it was his virus that Lucius had on his computer.

“That’s none of your business,” Lucius replied with a stern voice. “But thank you for… uhh… healing it?”

Harry was unsatisfied with this answer. 

“We need to know how you got the virus. Did you go on any weird websites today?” He asked.

“No, only on the one. That was not a weird website, right?” Lucius replied, looking at Arthur with confusion showing on his face. 

“No, lots of people I know have used that one,” said Arthur. “That can’t be it. Did anyone use this computer before you?”

“Yes,” Lucius replied. “Draco did.”

Confrontation between father and son was not uncommon in Malfoy Manor. Usually, it looked more like Lucius coaxing Draco, with a cold hand wrapped firmly around the back of his son's neck. This time, however, it took form in two grown men staring wide-eyed in front of each other in the dim glow of a computer screen. 

"Draco," Lucius croned. "What could possibly be the reason for this?"

Draco stiffened up; the tips of his shoulders nearly touching his earlobes. He did everything he could to avoid looking at the screen or meeting his father's gaze. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Only a daft git would allow something as foolish as this to happen, Draco thought quietly. Leaving it in the browser history for someone like Harry to find only made his actions more scornful.

"Draco, you will answer me. Why would you visit such a site on my computer. Could it be that your mudblood wife isn't keeping you satisfied?"

"Father!" Draco roared with fury. "You will not address her like that. Ever again. If you do, I will make sure I leave another virus on your precious computer." It's not that Draco didn't wish for his father to find love again, tensions were just high and things said were not things meant. Draco inhaled sharply and reset himself. "I apologize father, it won't be happening again."

"Surely," Lucius huffed. Lucius had been enjoying himself, with all the women showering him with endless attention, even if it was just on a screen. Not that it was something he would ever admit to his son, much like his son never admitting to visiting adult sites on his personal computer.

Later that night in the library at their house Granger glared at him with that look she gets when she has a question but doesn't dare to ask it. 

“Ask away Granger, you are driving me crazy” 

“You have been moody lately” 

“How so?” 

“For starters, you tried to Aveda Kedavra the kettle this afternoon” 

“It was not working” 

“You didn't plug it” she pointed. 

He rolled his eyes, his wife and Andromeda had an annoying habit of remembering every single detail. 

“Is something wrong?” she asked with her eyes filled with concern. 

Let me see Granger, for the last month or so, I can't stop thinking about your stupidly gorgeous best friend. Saint fucking Potter is the only thing I can think about day and night, and to make everything worse my father found out I was looking at the websites Potter himself suggested. 

“It’s the whole thing with my parents” he lied. 

But damn, his wife was too smart not to see right through him. However, this time she decided to let it go. 

“Your mom got a match today, and he answered” she offered, “I think if your mom can be on a muggle dating website, you can deal with whatever is bothering you” and she planted a chaste kiss on his lips. 

The guilt hit him hard, you have no idea, Granger.

Draco was right. Hermione wasn’t stupid, she was the brightest damn witch of her age. She could feel him pulling away, and she thinks she knows why. It all started a little over a month ago...

Hermione was sitting in the quidditch stands alongside Ginny, watching a Ministry DMLE quidditch scrimmage.

She wasn’t one to obsess over the game, but she would never miss an opportunity to support Harry or see her husband in a quidditch uniform.

It wasn’t until Ginny snorted next to her that she noticed herself not only drooling over Draco’s muscular thighs gripping his broom, but Harry’s as well.

“Hermione, dear, close your mouth or doxies will start nesting in there.” Ginny smirked while playfully smacking Hermione’s shoulder.

She flushed a vibrant red but before she could pull together a defensive retort, Ginny continued.

“Looks like you’re not the only one drooling over the Ferret... Merlin, Harry hasn’t looked at anyone like that since, well, me on my broom 6th year.”

A moment later, the camera in Ginny’s hand snapped and flashed. A moving photo of the boys racing on their brooms printed out from the bottom and she handed it to Hermione.

“Here ya go,” she winked, “don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.”

Ever since then, the fantasy never left Hermione’s mind. Whenever she’d find herself alone, she’d sneakily pull out the photo and use it to satisfy the burning in her core. Her sexcapades with Draco were becoming infrequent the more Harry occupied her mind, and she could feel his mood shift. 

“I think if your mom can be on a muggle dating website, you can deal with whatever is bothering you.” she said following her confrontation.  
As she pulled away from Draco’s lips, guilt seized her gut as she realized the hypocrisy of her own words.

The tip of her thumb grazed over the flocked border of the Polaroid. Hermione's skin matched in texture; goose pimples covered her exposed arms. The manor was notoriously cold, but that was something she was numb to at this point. The tingle that the photo of the two men racing shot through her body, however, was completely foreign. She let her body crumple down into the black velvet of the study chair.

Her and Draco had issues within their romance before, and of course the endless bullying and arguing throughout their days in Hogwarts. What else would be expected of a former blood purist and a muggle-born, both of whom were insanely competitive and intelligent? But this conflict was different. Draco was explosive by nature, and Hermione had grown quite comfortable amidst the shrapnel. Maybe if she waited long enough, the bomb would just explode on its own.

"Hey 'Mione? It's two in the afternoon. Aren't you supposed to be headed to my mother's?" 

She jolted from her chair, carelessly stuffing the photo into her copy of Predicting the Unpredictable: Insulate Yourself Against Shocks and snapping it shut. It was just a tick. The bomb did exist, and it was telling Hermione it was waiting. She sighed as she wondered if it was worth a response. Maybe, if she stayed quiet, Draco would think she was gone already and her problems would escape her for a short while. No, Draco was far from small-minded and certainly would know. 

Intelligence was what drew Hermione to her husband the strongest. He challenged her, and she liked it. It was always the challenge for her. Sure, Ron was attractive during their Hogwarts years, but never challenged her quite like Draco did. 

"Yes dear, I'm leaving now." 

With a wave of her wand and a sharp crack echoing through the manor, Hermione apparated to Narcissa's residence, praying for a moment of peace with her mother-in-law and Ginny. The leather bound book she'd been reading watched on from the arm of the chair.(edited)

By the time Lucius was able to return to the site and read the earlier enticing message, there had been a few more sent to him from other members. He quickly glanced through them and just as he went to read the message that had prompted this computer to gain that virus, that he still didn't understand, he heard the alarm he'd set to remind him of his Ministry-required meeting.

They were meeting today to discuss changes to the Muggle Studies class at Hogwarts. As a member of the Board, he was required to attend and he feared that if he remained silent in reply to that message for much longer, he would miss out on something quite wonderful. Thinking on the meeting though, he thought about asking the other members of the Board and in the meeting if they'd used the device at all, or understood it any better than Arthur Weasley. That man and Potter had already seen enough of his weakness in that area to be able to blackmail his own son's inheritance from him.

Still, maybe introducing the students to a few minor Muggle devices wouldn't go amiss, he thought to himself as he prepared to floo to the Ministry, wishing he could have had time just to take care of that message that had been overshadowed by pop-up ads.

Hermione jaw arrived on Narcissa's perfectly-polished floor about a half second after her feet did. "What-"

"Oh, hello, Hermione!" said Narcissa, twirling a fuzzy emerald boa around her pale neck. A heavy gold necklace nestled between her breasts, which were pushed up high by a curvy black dress. It shimmered with sequins before ending at mid-thigh. "I was just about to go out. Do you have anything to wear to come with me?" She eyed Hermione critically. "You don't have my figure, but you might fit in one of Andromeda's daughter's old looks..."

"What are you doing? What are you wearing?" sputtered Hermione.

"The Muggle dating site was a complete loss," she said airily. "I need to try something different. I've seen a few "movies" since I moved in with Andromeda, and Muggle women seem to always meet the love of their lives walking down the street, at the park, or on the dance floor. I will dress as they do, walk down the street, through a park, and to a dance floor, and bask in the attention all the way."

"You will sure get attention..."

"Thank you!" Narcissa beamed. "Coming?"

Hermione sighed and followed her to the closet. "I do know this place with good music this time of day. It's a little strange, a royalty-themed club with a whole wall dedicated to falconry artifacts, but I think the odd aristocratic mood might suit you..."

Meanwhile, across town, Lucius was awfully distracted as he scooped out the Floo powder. He huffed dramatically and accidentally inhaled some up his nose as he spoke, so the destination he coughed out sounded more like... "Hawk Courts"? The flames roared to life.

Later that evening, Draco stood up to stretch. He had done quite a bit of work on the Malfoy finances today. It has been such a process to restore the Malfoy name and add on top of it this muggle dating service business with his mother and father. Draco scoffed to himself. This new endeavor of his parents’ will not go well.

Draco left his office and went into the study and fixed himself a firewhiskey. He sighed and took a seat in the black velvet chair in front of the fire. As he sipped on his drink, he noticed a book on the side table - Predicting the Unpredictable: Insulate Yourself Against Shocks. Draco chuckled to himself. Hermione was always leaving books around the manor. He opened up the book to where Hermione had left off and suddenly a picture fell out into his lap.

Draco picked the picture up and his breath caught. It was a picture of him and Saint freaking Potter decked out in their quidditch gear in the middle of what appeared to be the DMLE scrimmage. He watched as the picture looped. The wind blew through Harry’s hair, the smile on his face, and a pink tinge to his cheeks. 

Draco exhaled as he slammed the book shut. Why in Salazar’s name does Hermione have this picture? Does she know? How could she possibly know how much I dream about Potter? His heart started to hammer in his chest. Panic seized him. Draco’s thoughts raced as he paced the room. He suddenly stopped in his tracks. Wait a minute…

Darco dug the picture back out and noticed the crumpled corners and the worn fingerprints on the photo. What if his wife, the brightest witch of our age, had a little crush too? He slowly started to smirk as he came up with a plan.

“A blind dating party?” Harry asked Draco. “Why would you organize something like that?”

“The Malfoys are the best party planners and we have had no party’s in the Manor since my parents' divorce. I want them both to meet someone new. And they are not the only singles in our community. When was the last time you went to bed with someone Potter?”

Harry blushed. The idea of him meeting someone new at the Malfoy Manor creeped him out, but Draco was right. He had had no one next to him in bed in a long time, and while his crush on Draco was getting bigger every day, his chances to ever get together with him weren’t. 

“So what do you need me for?” Harry asked. 

“We Malfoys mostly know pure-bloods. We need half-bloods and muggles too,” Draco replied a bit anxiously because he was ashamed of his family's past. “My family can do the party planning and you can make a guest list and send out invitations.”

“Couldn’t Hermione make a guest list?” Harry asked, still confused by this party idea.

“No, she can’t. She can’t know about it either. It’s uh, it’s a surprise,” Draco said while keeping in a slight smirk.

“She’ll kill you for this, you know that.... Right?” Harry raised his eyebrow.

Draco bit his lip in amusement, “On the contrary, I believe she’ll be quite,” he paused, searching for the correct word, “pleased with this idea.”

However, Harry’s attention had shifted to Draco’s lips and how his teeth seemed to be so brilliantly white against the pale pink of his lips. Scolding himself for losing focus, Harry nodded in agreement. “I’ll help with the guest list. Is that all that you need me for?”

“The party is next Saturday. Formal attire.”

Harry snorted, “I don’t think you know anything but formal.” He eyed Draco’s suit and trousers with slight disdain. 

“I happen to dress to impress, unlike you. Remind me why you thought it was appropriate to wear a honeydew costume to my Halloween ball?”

Groaning, Harry turned around and stepped in the direction of the Floo. He threw Malfoy a glare over his shoulder and grabbed a handful of Floo powder. “Don’t remind me of this again…. It was bad enough that The Prophet managed to print thousands of copies…. It took me forever to destroy the copies.”

Draco couldn’t help the full-blown smirk from spreading on his face. “Serves you right, you wanker.” Harry rolled his eyes at his friend and threw the powder at the ground, calling for his home.

He could have sworn he heard Draco mutter something like “You were really one in a melon that night."

Draco turned from the fireplace and said, "Next time I'll send The Prophet two pictures."

He sat down at his desk, pulled up his party planning list, and crossed off talking to Harry about the guest list and the invitations.

As Harry walked to his office, Draco's words played back in his head. 'Serves you right, you wanker.'

Harry slowed his step and then stood still with his hand on the doorknob as a thought ran through his head. "That ass!" Harry shouted. "He gave The Prophet that picture!"

He opened the door to his office, made his way to the desk, and pulled out his list of contacts.

"He's going to pay for that." Harry chuckled as his eyes glazed over with the thought of possibilities. Though, he had a strange feeling that his vision was incomplete with just him and Draco there.

Hawk Courts was a favorite hang out by those of the wizarding world who were trying to learn more about the muggle world. While not as well-known, the bar was ran by "in-the-know" muggles. The bartender was some guy called Dudley and he often had a few of his friends there to play bouncer, while Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan ran interference as needed. No one knew who had put the funds up for the place, but it was known that a squib owned it.

Lucius had not been there before so when he stepped out and saw two of his son's old schoolmates, he was worried. Oh he'd wanted to go there eventually, but he was supposed to be at the Ministry and with their newest regulations, apparating in was ill-advised which was why he'd gone to Floo. There was much he didn't know about this particular bar, and now he'd be getting a crash course while remaining late to the meeting.

Just as he'd been about to ask the boys about leaving, the Floo was active once again as his daughter-in-law came through.

"Oh, Mr. Malfoy, how peculiar to see you here?"

"A bit of a mishap with the Floo on my way to a meeting," he answered her, very aware that this would likely be commented on. "And yourself?"

Most of Harry's thoughts were muddled by Draco's party this weekend. A mix of anxiety and suspicion rose to the back of his throat. The last time he had felt such a sensation was during sixth year, strangely enough brought on by Draco.

"Potter." The rich accent flowed like caramel made in the windows of Honeydukes. Harry, a few steps from the lift, stopped abruptly and peered behind him. The voice easily identified itself, but the sight of Draco Malfoy still made him jump in his skin. 

He turned to face Malfoy and studied him for a moment before responding. Malfoy, now in his twenties, had managed to fill his frame. Still slender, but with defined muscles, and ever so sharp shoulders. His face had come back to life, with skin the same color of the folder between his nimble fingers, and a jawline so sharp it led straight to his piercing grey eyes. 

The real masterwork of Draco's body, however, were his thighs. The way they perfectly dipped above his knees, the way that they were so angular and defined, yet still offered an angelic softness, the way they gripped his broom during quidditch games, the way you could still clearly imagine them underneath his pants. Those thighs occupied Harry's mind more than he cared to admit. He was his best mate's husband, though.

Not that Harry was never not attracted to Hermione. He'd been crushing on her since first year. She demanded attention, and always got it from everyone in the room. Harry gulped down his current mess of thoughts.

"Yes, Malfoy?" Draco's face was beet red. Had Harry been thinking so loudly even Draco could hear?

Draco, on the other hand, had just barely avoided being caught checking Harry out. The brown plaid suit jacket was horrid, but it fit Harry well, and Draco couldn't help but notice.

"I, uhh, I just wanted to check that you could make it Saturday. And if you could possibly bring a bottle of Firewhisky or something," Draco nervously spat out. This was unlike him. He'd always hated Potter on some level, right?

Hermione felt the color fade from her face when Narcissa cleared her throat and gave her ex-husband a cool look. 

"Lucius," she said. 

Her father in law ogled Narcissa, his eyes and mouth wide open, and he wasn't the only one looking at her like that. Half of the bar was starstruck by the perfect image of the blonde witch. 

"Cissy, what are you doing here?" he asked in a whisper. 

"That is none of your business," she said while walking to the bar. 

Hermione followed her, leaving Lucius speechless in the middle of the dance floor. Narcissa offered a wide smile to the bartender, Dudley on his part was as hypnotized as everyone else. 

"Do you see anyone interesting?" she asked. 

"That young man over there looks fine."

She almost choked when she saw Draco's mom was looking at Dean, "He was our classmate back in Hogwarts, and he has been in a relationship with Seamus for a long time," she informed. 

"Oh well, the bartender is not bad-looking, right?" 

"He is Harry's cousin," she rushed out. 

"Your drinks, ladies," Dudley was drooling all over the place. 

"What's your name, handsome?" purred Narcissa. 

"Aaaa..." was all Dudley could manage. 

"Merlin, Cissy he is half your age," Lucius was behind her rolling his eyes. 

"So?"

"He would never be able to fill your needs," his tone cocky, similar to his son's.  
Before Narcissa could answer, Charlie Weasley walked into the bar looking gorgeous, he smiled at Hermione and approached her. 

"Hermione, how are you?" he said. 

"Narcissa Black, can I buy you a drink?" she asked, almost pushing Hermione to the floor. 

"Weasley," she heard Lucius cursing under his breath.

“Merlin’s beard” Hermione mumbled after catching her balance. She turned on her heel and walked away quickly before she could get caught in YET ANOTHER tiff between Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black. Those two constantly feel the need to one-up the other person every time they were in the same room.

“Who was that?” Dudley asked as Hermione hopped onto a stool at the bar.  
“THAT is Narcissa Black, Draco Malfoy’s mother,” Hermione replied curtly.

“Is she part…..uhhh...what is it called? Veel?” Dudley stammered out.

Hermione chuckled a little and told Dudley no. Poor thing, getting caught up in Narcissa’s grace and beauty. 

Dudley sighed and rubbed his hands across his face. “Well, I feel like a bloody arse. Luna’s going to have my head!”

“Dudley, I highly doubt Luna will be bothered by your momentary lapse. Many people have been enthralled by Narcissa Malfoy.” Hermione replied soothingly.

“Hello Dudleykins and Hermione!” Luna replied cheerfully.

“Don’t worry, I’m not upset about Narcissa! She’s quite beautiful!” Luna said and kissed Dudley’s blushing cheek.

Hermione chuckled to herself. Luna always seemed to know what to say or when her name was mentioned. Hermione suspected that Luna had a touch of Sight when it comes to these things.

She sighed and watched as Luna fussed over Dudley and helping where she could. That match was a pleasant surprise several years ago. They were quite the adorable couple.

“Hermione! We need your help! It’s Narcissa!” Dean exclaimed as he grabbed Hermione by the arm and drug her over to where a crowd was gathering….

Meanwhile, Harry was working on the guest-list for Draco’s blind date party. He started by writing the names of every single witch and wizard he knew. He ended up with 14 names, which was not enough for a Malfoy party.

While thinking of who else to invite, his thoughts kept going back to what Draco had said. He said that Hermione would be pleased with this party. After an hour of ruminating, he concluded that what Draco said could mean three things. 

First, Hermione could just be excited about having a party and maybe seeing other people going on blind dates. But Harry knew this wouldn’t be likely. Only in the past few weeks, Hermione had told him multiple times that she was jealous of the single people being able to date, while she had found Draco already. 

That brought him to the second option. She wanted to stop dating Draco. This was also unlikely, because why would Draco throw a party to celebrate that. 

This brought Harry to the third option. Hermione wants to date other people than just Draco. This possibility excited Harry, because this may give him the opportunity to go on a date with Draco, or even Hermione herself. Both of them are beautiful and definitely Harry’s type. 

But Harry knew he should not get his hopes up. So he put all his concentration on the guest-list. Adding single muggles and some people who he knew would be into dating multiple people. When he finished, he had a list of over sixty guests. This would satisfy Draco.

Now he had to send them out and prepare himself for this party.

The first thing that Harry did was floo call Andromeda. He was completely lost on how to prepare for a party like this. And Merlin forbid he show up in a strange costume and embarrass himself... again. 

The second thing that Harry did was apparate to Diagon Alley. Andromeda had agreed to meet up at the café on the corner of the busy street in an hour. Harry just knew that he should get some food in his system before he gets dragged into multiple stores. 

Fortunately for Harry, he had just missed the rush hour at the café so he was able to get seated quickly and ordered immediately. He was too busy stuffing his burger with French fries and ketchup to notice Ginny and Andromeda walk up to his table until one of them spoke.

“Honestly Harry, no suit will save you unless you learn some table manners.” Andromeda shook her head at Harry. He instantly froze as if he was caught committing a crime. 

Ginny just rolled her eyes, “Oh the great Harry Potter, so valiantly slaying a burger and fries.”

Harry wiped his mouth and shot back, “At least I don’t eat mayo with my fries…” He challenged, hoping that she rises to the bait. This was one of their ongoing debates even before their split. Nothing caused them to bicker quite like mayo on French fries did. 

“Har har, very funny. Can you eat any slower? We have lots of shopping to get done today.”

He groaned in response, excited to wow Hermione and Draco with his impressive attire, yet also dreading the prospect of trying on thousands of suits.(edited)

A general gasp filled the air, and Hermione felt her legs couldn't move fast enough to reach Narcissa. Her eyes wide open when she saw the scene, her mother-in-law was on top of Charlie with her tongue running down his neck. 

“Narcissa!” a loud voice ricocheted on the bar.  
She turned to see Lucius livid, clenching his jaw and closing his hands around his wand, so hard his knuckles were turning white. Hermione needed to think fast before the whole thing got out of hand. 

She walked to Narcissa and Charlie, putting all her embarrassment away, and lean towards Narcissa, whispering in her ear that they needed to leave. The blonde lifted an eyebrow and looked into Charlie’s eyes. 

“Take me with you” she purred. 

Charlie smiled and try to get up, but he couldn't, he looked confused and Narcissa tried to get up as well, but she couldn't move either. 

“What's wrong?” Hermione asked in a whisper. 

“It's my belt, it got stuck on her dress” Charlie hissed. 

Hermione took out her wand but Charlie shouted with panic:

“Don’t, its dragon leather, you can't use magic on it” 

“What?” gasped Narcissa. 

“Don't worry, you just need to take out your dress” 

“You are joking” 

“I'm not, just take it off, as long as it's not silk we should be alright” 

“My dress is silk!” she cried. 

Hermione put it together faster than anyone else. Silk and dragon leather attached like a magnet, and the only way to break it was by burning the silk with dragon fire. 

“I have a friend, he can help” Charlie rushed out “he is in Rumania”

“Take me” and in a blink, they were gone. 

Draco is going to kill me, was her only thought.

Arriving at the Dragon Reserve, Charlie sighed as he saw his best friend standing there waiting for him.

"I thought we agreed you wouldn't be hooking up this trip?" he glared at Narcissa.

"I can't help that she came onto me, but her apparently silk dress got caught on my belt."

"Fine, let me get the Head Keeper," his grumpy demeanor didn't seem to bother Narcissa, though.

"It was because he showed up, anyway," she regally admitted.

"You know, if you still love your ex-husband, maybe you should have asked him out and tried to reconnect without the marriage?" Charlie sighed.

"Love had nothing to do with our relationship," Narcissa sniffed disdainfully, "I don't even know why I'm listening to a Weasley"

"Because you thought that would get Lucius Malfoy to act to take you back," Charlie grinned. "You wanted to make him jealous, and a Weasley was sure to get his blood-boiling considering he only puts up with us because of Draco and Hermione, though more Hermione..."

Hermione closed her eyes and sighed heavily. This night couldn’t get any worse.

“What is the meaning of this, Mrs. Granger?” demand Lucius sodding Malfoy.

“Merlin’s beard…” Hermione mumbled under her breath.

“Where has that Weasley boy taken Narcissa? I demand to know this instant!”

Hermione grit her teeth. Of course, her father-in-law would think she knows anything about this. Why on earth would she know where they went? 

“Mr. Malfoy, I’m not sure why you think that I know where Charlie took Narcissa, but I assure you that I do not. Also, why do you care so much that she left with someone else? One would think your reaction is a bit….curious.” Hermione smirked at him.

Bloody hell, the bushy-haired swot was so infuriating. She’s been around Slytherin’s too much, Lucius thinks to himself. Even wearing Draco’s smirk on her face.

“Mrs. Granger, I’m not sure what you are trying to allude to, but that man just kidnapped Narcissa.” Lucius drawled. His heart beating fast in his chest. 

Hermione barked out a laugh. “Charlie Weasley is harmless. Who knows? Maybe Narcissa will get to see a dragon tonight.”

“How dare you! Don’t speak about Narcissa that way. And there will be no…..dragons. Just tell me where she is and I will go retrieve her!” Lucius demanded.

“Again, I have no clue and you’re being rather odd about the entire situation. You might want to look into your reaction.” Hermione replied while walking away. She shook her head. If those two idiots can’t see what’s really going on between them then I’m going going to mind my own business.

“Ummm…..sir….I….I think I might know where they went,” stammered Neville.

“Tell me at ONCE, young man.”

“Charlie works as a dragon tamer at the Dragon Reserve in Romania.”

Lucius stormed off to the fireplace, grabbed Floo powder, and yelled “Dragon Reserve Romania” before disappearing into the Floo.(edited)

Hermione got back to her apartment mortified, what was she supposed to tell Draco when he asked about his mother? She went into the kitchen to get herself a tea, when she heard the floo again, Draco must be home, she thought. 

“Hermione?” it was Harry’s voice. 

She walked into the living room and couldn't help but stare at the handsome wizard in front of her, Harry was wearing a stunning set of ropes, and he looked delicious. 

“Why aren’t you ready?” he asked. 

“Ready for what?”

“The party is tonight” 

Of course, the stupid party Draco has being talking about for weeks, she forgot completely about it. With a flick of her wand, her muggle jeans changed for a beautiful black dress, tight on the right places, she knew it was the right choice when Harry looked at her like she was his favorite candy. 

“Shall we?” she said offering her arm. 

“What about Draco?” 

“He is a big boy, he can find the party all by himself” she answered. 

The party had already started, it looked like the whole magic world was there. She spotted Ron by the table eating cake and Ginny chatting with Luna by the fire. Narcissa and Lucius were there too, getting into the study, she smiled, of course her parents in law probably would talk things out, she hasn't met anyone so in love as they were, even though they didn't want to admit it.

“Grrrreat pagty” said Ron with his mouth full “Whegers Hagy?” 

“He is…” when she turned Harry was already walking upstairs. 

Without a word she followed him to one of the rooms. When she entered Harry and Draco were almost kissing, she gasped and they turned. 

“Are you seriously doing this without me?” she asked. 

“No dear, we were waiting for you” Draco smiled and she closed the door behind her.

By the time Lucius had arrived at the Reserve and found where Narcissa and Charlie were, Lucius had cooled down somewhat. He kept reminding himself that Narcissa was a grown woman who had a mind and wants of her own. Of course that was what had attracted him to her in the first place, but whomever she chose to be with really shouldn't be any concern of his. He stopped when he heard a man's voice.

"There really isn't just dating sites on the internet, you know."

"Yeah," Charlie was heard agreeing with the other male, "We managed to find a few support groups and similar interest groups to join. There's one that we monitor in case the remains of dragons are actually found instead of the dinosaur remains that muggles seem so enamored with."

"Yes," a female voice spoke up, "that dragon egg fossil find was a real mess to clean up, but we managed. There you go, Madame. The silk and dragon leather are safely separated. Now, Charlie, why were you at the Hawk Court?"

"Well, Dudley needed some advice. I think he and Luna are interested in adding Ginny to their games, but wanted to know if she'd be open to it. I had to remind him that Luna was a better judge of what my sister would be into than I was when Narcissa, here, showed up and got most of the men in there drooling, literally, over her. Apparently she hadn't heard back yet from a guy on a dating site."

"Well, it's quite possible that he got busy. Not everyone can sit at a computer all day and respond to messages from all and sundry," the male voice Lucius couldn't recognize remarked.

"True, we only go to an area to use the net once a week, and Harry mentioned that if it weren't for a certain bloke he's a bit hot for, he wouldn't be on but maybe once a month, if that,' Charlie laughed.

"Maybe instead of a dating site, you should look into parenting support groups?" the woman sounded unsure. "You do have a son, even if he's an adult, and I'm sure your insight would be helpful to other parents."

"You know, you're probably right," Narcissa said with a sigh. "I do think it would be a lot less messy."

"Well, I can help you with that." There was the scratching of the quill. "Here. Just go here and you'll be able to access the support group."

Lucius heard footsteps and tried to hide. But it was too late.

"Lucius?" She frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"I - I'm not sure anymore."

She gave him a small smile. "I was just thinking I'm a bit tired of that stupid website."

"Really?" Lucius asked.

Narcissa nodded. "Quite." She jerked her head towards Charlie. "He's quite handsome, isn't he?"

Lucius's lip curled. "I suppose."

"I don't think we need those silly sites anymore. But Charlie --"

"--is welcome any time," Lucius finished for her. He pecked her cheek. "Can I finally destroy the computer?"

She chuckled. "You know, I don't think I have much need for this silly parenting support site anyway. Destroy what you want, my dear."


End file.
